I Fed My Own Demon With My Embarrassing Judgment.

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Everything on that day didn’t fall in place. I thought I couldn’t do anything right. I was embarrassed to the point of annoyance. I was annoyed of myself that I wanted to break down. I could hear my subconscious mocking me.

She was mocking me the whole time while I was riding a bus going to Naga City. I closed my eyes hoping I could take a nap and ignore her. She was too loud. I could see her bulging eyes. I could feel her finger pushing my forehead. I was taken aback when she shouted my name. Her caustic voice awakened me from my reverie.

“Are we there yet?”, I asked my friend, Niña.

“Uh, almost there,” she replied. “Have you texted them?”

I grabbed my bag where I put my phone. It took me an ounce of courage to finally open my phone.

“We already left,” Tatay Raul’s message went.

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My inner-self started to panic again. I was uneasy on my seat. I kept looking at the windows to see if we have arrived. At one point, I wanted to suggest to my friend to hop off the bus and go back to Cebu City. Yes, it was a dastard idea.

But before I could tell her, the bus halted. We had arrived. I reckoned it’s too late to retreat. I looked at Niña who looked relaxed, unaware of the war inside me at that moment. She looked excited. The look on her face made me feel even more guilty. I felt really sorry.

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My phone rang. It was Beboy. He told us we might be unable to catch up with them because they were already far. He suggested we ride a motorcycle to Magdooc and wait for them there.

I let a sigh of relief before I hopped on the motorcycle. While my ride climbed its way through the steep barangay road of Naalad, my mind brought me back to the scene earlier that day.

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This emotional ruckus started with the wrong alarm time. Hubby mistakenly set the alarm at 4 pm instead of 4 am. When I opened my eyes that morning, the sun was already up. I quickly got up and checked the time hoping it’s not 8 o’clock yet. My clock said it was five. With the meet-up time set at 6:30am in Naga, I knew I was doomed. I knew it was impossible to arrive on time. Thinking we’d be ONLY 30 minutes late, I pursued it. I did everything like lightning, as fast as I could. I met up with Niña who had been waiting for me for a while. We hurried ourselves to get to South Bus Terminal.

I texted Tatay Raul to please wait for us, but I was too ashamed to tell him we weren’t on the bus yet. I kept my phone inside my bag, not wanting to check it again because I was worried Tatay would ask where we were. (Sorry Tay Raul.) Peace! 44440846_342898453130268_6043908722307104768_n

The smell of the mountain breeze interrupted the flashback play on my mind. Somehow, I felt my heart at ease and not anxious anymore. The green surrounding had calmed me and made me forget my worries.

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We got off at Magdooc and waited for them. Beboy said Sir Aldrich and Tatay Raul were off to meet us there. But an hour almost passed, no one came. When I called Beboy again, he said they were in the highest peak of the area, near a tower. We couldn’t find any higher elevation with a tower except the one we’re facing, so Niña and I climbed it. The funny thing was when we reached the top, we found out, there was a higher hill on the other side. There was a tower, yes, it was a smaller tower though.

We bet on our perhaps and agreed to go there. We had to trail back and ask the locals if there was another higher mountain other than that. They confirmed that it was the highest one. We took a short breather before we started to climb it. Halfway through the climb, we heard voices coming from the street below.

It was Sir Aldrich and Beboy!!! Oh, what a relief!

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We exchanged our hi’s and hello’s and I apologized for causing delay. I was prepared to be blamed or scolded, surprisingly, I did not get any of that. I neither saw that disappointment directed towards me on their faces. They carried on the hike just like nothing happened.

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Personal thought:

Guess, I fed my own anxious demon with worry that it almost ate me.

I thought Tatay Raul would scold me for not replying his texts and not answering his calls. I thought Sir Aldrich would blame me for causing trouble and delay. I thought Beboy would tell me not to do it again. I thought Dian would give me a scornful look. I thought my new friends would look at me with disappointment.

I realized that I have created a fearful image of these people because I judged them out of guilt. While writing this, I realized, my judgment was more embarrassing than my tardiness.

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Peace, everyone!

Over to you, have you misjudged someone? Let me hear it from you!

 

’til next time!

Keep safe!

Love, Demi

 

Is He ‘The One’ or Just ‘Another One’?

So a few days ago, a friend asked me how did I know Ace was the one. It’s funny how I was unable to grasp an answer to that familiar question.

Ace and I have been asked the same question a lot of times. But until now, we still couldn’t find the exact answer. It’s hard to tell especially if you have once committed to someone but ended up disappointed. I guess, there isn’t really a ‘right’ answer at all!

We’ve been there. We were once the one asking the same question to ourselves. Ace and I had our fair share of i-thought-i-found-the-one experience before we found each other. In fact, who would thought the relationship which started on an online dating site would work than that nurtured for several years?

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There are no right signs to know you’ve found the right one. But here are some things you might want to consider:

1. He’s always there to support and cheer you up.

He doesn’t laugh at your eeriest dreams. He supports your stupid ideas. And when things don’t go your way, he is there to cheer you up. He doesn’t blame you for your failure instead he encourages you to try again. He believes in you, and he is your biggest fan.

2. You don’t feel insecure.

He doesn’t make you feel jealous with his accomplishments. You feel proud of him when he achieves something. He doesn’t make you feel inferior in any way — neither intellectually, financially, nor professionally.

3. You want to stay together even when you argue.

Love quarrel sure is inevitable. If the both of you choose to patch things up instead of threatening to break up, only means your love is strong. When you don’t keep a score between who is right or wrong and opt to forgive each other, you guys are a match made in heaven.

4. You are yourself around him.

He doesn’t make you feel like you have to be anything you’re not. You can wake up with messy hair around your face, make-up off and he still finds you beautiful. You can laugh out loud, even snort and fart and he wouldn’t mind.

5. You trust each other.

You know he is the one when you trust each other. He does not spy on you nor question your privacy. He respects your personal space. He is not paranoid to monitor your phone calls and demands to know the passwords of your social media accounts.

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One day, someone will come into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.

Don’t cling to that idea of love portrayed in the movies, it will only disappoint you. Love is hard to define. Every love story is unique. There is no perfect relationship, just harmonious ones. But it takes a lot of effort and sacrifice. It takes both of you to make it work.

While you are trying to find the right one for you, I want you to remember that LOVE is not just all about you. It’s about two people working together. You may have found him but don’t forget to ask yourself if you have what it takes to be the one for him, too.

Let me leave you with these words from Creig Crippen.

As you awaken,you will come to understand that the journey to love isn’t about finding “the one”, the journey is about becoming “the one”.

 

Over to you! How do you know you’ve found the one for you? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to leave us some words. 🙂

’til next time, everyone!

Keep safe!

Love, Ace and Demi