Don’t Get Married Because…

Despite the steady decline of people who no longer believe in marriage, there are still more who have faith in it. There are still more people who wanted to get married, who are excited to be married, and who love the idea of getting married.

To these people, here’s for you.

We commit to marriage for lots of reasons. If it is LOVE, that’s wonderful! However, for some, it is not always because of love. In the olden times, they were married because of cultural or family tradition like arranged-marriage, while some are married to pay debts. I’m not sure if it still does exist nowadays.

Marriage is a big commitment. If you are free to make your own decision about this matter, I hope you take time to think about it and ask yourself why.

Regardless of your reasons, don”t get married because of the following.

* Don’t get married because you feel alone and lonely.

First, there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone but not lonely because you are contented and happy with your life without a romantic relationship. On the other hand, you can be with someone but feel lonely and unhappy. Don’t think that having someone will guarantee you happiness. Don’t settle just because you feel lonely or you are afraid to be alone. Marriage is not the answer to your loneliness. You should be happy being alone with yourself first before you decide to marry someone. Don’t put your happiness in someone else’s hand, especially not your partner’s. Be happy with yourself first.

* Don’t get married because you felt pressured.

Isn’t it annoying when people around you keep asking when are you going to get married? But no, don’t compel yourself to marry because your mom wants you to, or because all of your friends have already married. After all, they are not the ones committing that ’til-death-do-us-part’ vow.

Don’t get married because you felt pressured of your age and the length of your relationship. Never marry when you are not ready.

* Don’t get married because your Ex is moving on with someone new.

The emotional mayhem brought by your ex’s engagement with someone new is not enough reason for you to rush into marriage. Don’t get married to prove to your ex that you are the one who got away. Common, you know better than that! If you are stirred up upon hearing the news that he is getting married, let it go. Yes, it is irrational when you’re confident that you have moved on, but that is normal. After all, you had once imagined walking down the aisle with this person. That sting of emotion that is bothering you is okay, but don’t let it push you into marrying your partner now because you want to get even.

 

Marriage is not a race. It is neither the measurement of happiness nor success. Before you say I do, ask yourself if you really do. Get married because you want to and you feel that is right for you.

 

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Is He ‘The One’ or Just ‘Another One’?

So a few days ago, a friend asked me how did I know Ace was the one. It’s funny how I was unable to grasp an answer to that familiar question.

Ace and I have been asked the same question a lot of times. But until now, we still couldn’t find the exact answer. It’s hard to tell especially if you have once committed to someone but ended up disappointed. I guess, there isn’t really a ‘right’ answer at all!

We’ve been there. We were once the one asking the same question to ourselves. Ace and I had our fair share of i-thought-i-found-the-one experience before we found each other. In fact, who would thought the relationship which started on an online dating site would work than that nurtured for several years?

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There are no right signs to know you’ve found the right one. But here are some things you might want to consider:

1. He’s always there to support and cheer you up.

He doesn’t laugh at your eeriest dreams. He supports your stupid ideas. And when things don’t go your way, he is there to cheer you up. He doesn’t blame you for your failure instead he encourages you to try again. He believes in you, and he is your biggest fan.

2. You don’t feel insecure.

He doesn’t make you feel jealous with his accomplishments. You feel proud of him when he achieves something. He doesn’t make you feel inferior in any way — neither intellectually, financially, nor professionally.

3. You want to stay together even when you argue.

Love quarrel sure is inevitable. If the both of you choose to patch things up instead of threatening to break up, only means your love is strong. When you don’t keep a score between who is right or wrong and opt to forgive each other, you guys are a match made in heaven.

4. You are yourself around him.

He doesn’t make you feel like you have to be anything you’re not. You can wake up with messy hair around your face, make-up off and he still finds you beautiful. You can laugh out loud, even snort and fart and he wouldn’t mind.

5. You trust each other.

You know he is the one when you trust each other. He does not spy on you nor question your privacy. He respects your personal space. He is not paranoid to monitor your phone calls and demands to know the passwords of your social media accounts.

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One day, someone will come into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.

Don’t cling to that idea of love portrayed in the movies, it will only disappoint you. Love is hard to define. Every love story is unique. There is no perfect relationship, just harmonious ones. But it takes a lot of effort and sacrifice. It takes both of you to make it work.

While you are trying to find the right one for you, I want you to remember that LOVE is not just all about you. It’s about two people working together. You may have found him but don’t forget to ask yourself if you have what it takes to be the one for him, too.

Let me leave you with these words from Creig Crippen.

As you awaken,you will come to understand that the journey to love isn’t about finding “the one”, the journey is about becoming “the one”.

 

Over to you! How do you know you’ve found the one for you? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to leave us some words. 🙂

’til next time, everyone!

Keep safe!

Love, Ace and Demi